TNA Victory Road 2004 Review

World X Cup
Hector Garza wins an X Gauntlet Match

“It's impossible [...] I think you missed that elimination!” - Mike Tenay
“...It just gets so confusing...” - Don West

Here we go, TNA's first match on their first ever PPV. Good decision to highlight the X-Division for almost half an hour to kick things off, it's one of the few aspects of this company that stands out from the WWE at this time. Naturally this being a mid-card battle royal-type affair, it's full of guys you've never heard of, but that's to be expected when you're presenting a new promotion. With new participants joining every sixty seconds the pace is frantic and to their credit these guys are certainly athletic – the 630 Splash from Jerrelle Clark being one of the early highlights – but sadly there's no psychology as everyone just hits their high-flying offence one by one without any concern for actually eliminating their opponents. Once those eliminations begin good luck keeping track though, West and Tenay are simply awful at their jobs on commentary. They miss or miss-call huge amounts of important action, repeat themselves ad nauseam and openly admit confusion about what they're seeing over and over again. I could write thousands of words on how bad they both are on commentary in general, but I suppose I've got to just put up with it if I'm going to watch TNA. As far as the X-Division, you have to enjoy it for what it is – a novelty act. It may be full of contrivances, botches, and non-existent psychology – but spots such as the 7-man “Tower of Doom” superplex are just too enjoyable to criticise deeply. The insane Release German Suplex from Sabin to Kazarian from the top rope was also a highlight, even though I wince when I see something like that performed so recklessly. The way Kaz lands on his head made me think he'd broken his neck, and that's not something that entertains me. It all comes down to AAA star Hector Garza and Kazarian who square off in a brief match that Garza wins with a roll up. Can't understand this decision, perhaps an attempt at placating the Hispanic audience? He receives a short-lived push on TV against Jeff Jarrett for the TNA Championship, but would be gone from the company in just a few months. A wasted victory in hindsight, but the match was decent enough and a good opener. An enjoyable mess.

Rating: 3 Stars


Ron Killings, Erik Watts, Johnny B. Badd and Pat Kenney Vs Kid Kash, Dallas and The Naturals

An interesting mix of washed up refugees from the wreckage of WCW and ECW alongside young, future stars. The match is just a mess really, not badly performed but utterly meaningless. The former Marc Mero, Johnny B. Badd, gets a few minutes to actually look okay, but it doesn't last long and soon the match dissolves into a big brawl. Before you know it everyone leaves the ring, The Truth picks up a sudden victory and it's over. Doesn't even get five minutes, pretty much disposable.

Rating: 1.5 Stars


Mascarita Sagrada Vs Piratita Morgan

So it looks like I got an answer to the question I posed during the X Gauntlet – definitely placating the Hispanic audience because up next: Mexican Midgets. West and Tenay try to put these guys over as best as they can, but given how they're supposed to be mini-versions of Mexican heavyweight stars that aren't in TNA, I think the novelty is somewhat lost. That said, I was pleasantly surprised by Mascarita Sagrada who turns out to be a more competent Luchador than a lot of the stars of the X-Division. Unfortunately his crisp, athletic offence is muted somewhat by Morgan, who moves at a snails pace and can barely sell anything Sagrada is doing. It doesn't take long of course before the midgets are reduced to a comedy routine with the referee, just in case you started to take the idea of a mini-division seriously or something. Not much of a match here, but darn it - this was more entertaining than the last one.

Rating: 2 Stars


TNA Tag Team Championship
3Live Kru Vs Team Canada

So 3Live Kru... you know I'd like to mock them or something, but I'd just feel guilty. B.G. James is so completely out of place in this stable and his attempts at being cool come across as just plain sad. As for Team Canada - did we not see this exact heel tag team gimmick on Raw two years prior? Or further back with the Hart Foundation? Actually thinking about it, this whole match is like reheated leftovers from around 1997. It's odd to me that James is wrestling in a baggy black T-shirt, self-conscious about his ageing physique – yet in the same moment he's taunting his opponent with a tepid dance number. Let's just say the man's embarrassed about the wrong things in life. Thankfully there is genuine aspiring talent in this match. Roode, Young and Konnan are obviously big prospects for TNA going forward, so it's nice that they're all highlighted here. Sadly the booking is bog standard, with the heels isolating James while the referee gets distracted by the lights or a cat or anything other than his own job. It doesn't matter in the end though, as the 3Live Kru pick up the win and the belts despite the odds. Never mind rewarding the young talented heels, or building their heat for the future, or letting them get their heat back in any way.

Rating: 2 Stars


Monster's Ball
Monty Brown Vs Abyss Vs Raven

Before this match the three men have been kept in solitary confinement to stew and build their hatred. Raven even cuts a promo during this ordeal where he rhymes “bomb” with “Vietnam”, just to completely sell his total insanity. A pretty standard brawl between Raven and Abyss on the outside to start with, but soon Brown is dominating both inside the ring. A missed Pounce to Raven takes out the referee instead and inexplicably inspires a “Ho-ly Shit!” chant from the crowd. Abyss just pouring thumb tacks on the mat gets another. C'mon guys, you haven't even SEEN ANYTHING yet! Reserve that chant for when it's deserved or it'll loose all meaning later. Raven weakly punches Abyss and gets a “This. Is. Awesome!” chant for it, proving that TNA fans have just come to chant whatever the hell they feel like, no matter how little it has to do with the show they're attending. They might as well be saying “Bears. Love. Ice. Cream!” for as much sense as it makes in this context... Oh yeah, Monty Brown wins. Everyone else gets to go to Table-Land. This however, does not inspire a reaction from the fans. Duh.

Rating: 2 Stars


X-Division Championship
Petey Williams Vs AJ Styles

I'm not sure why now, but I'm finally starting to feel ill due to the crappy camera work in every promo and backstage segment. Every shot has to be moving in and out, canting around and around, even to the point of being almost upside down. Is TNA filmed on a boat? A boat in the middle of a freaking storm? If not, there's no excuse, and now I've got a headache. Oh wait, here comes more as AJ Styles makes his way to the ring – sideways.

The action is fast and agile from the start, a showcase for both men but especially The Phenomenal One. Styles is obviously TNA's best talent and TNA would seem to think so too. Even though he's not in the main-event, Tenay tells us he's been there before but now he actively want to be in the X-Division because it's so great. He certainly deserves to be at the top of the card, but I can see the logic in building up the X-Division. Between this match and the opener, I would certainly walk away from this show talking about it as TNA's biggest selling point.

AJ Styles works in a lot of athletic and unique offence. The dive to the outside, the power-bomb counter he did to Williams while hanging in the Tree of Woe, then the sequence where both men counter each other's finishing moves – it's all awesome. However even when the best of TNA is on display, something stupid is bound to occur. I've never seen a referee stop in the middle of a pin-fall to shout at a manager for being on the apron. He doesn't just miss the fall, he actively abandons it after a two count while the shoulders are still down. This is how you sabotage even your best workers. Thankfully nothing can sabotage Petey Williams and a Canadian Destroyer which he hits fluidly off a jump from the second rope. It's an athletic, believable finisher that earns an honest pop every time you see it. Match of the Night!

Rating: 4 Stars


Last Man Standing
America's Most Wanted Vs Triple X

Everyone here is talented so the pace is good and we see some decent moves, but the stipulation smothers any attempt at storytelling or psychology. Trust TNA to take something exciting and original, like a tag team Last Man Standing match, and interpret the rules until they make no sense. Unlike a traditional Last Man Standing match here you need to pin your opponent for 3, then they have until 10 to stand up. If they don't make it they are eliminated and it's two-on-one. Of course this means you're forced to go through a contrived section where one man has to fight off two, and somehow make one lie on his back for 13 seconds without being helped up by the other. In fact despite the most interesting twist on this stipulation – that someone can help a fallen partner up – we never actually see that happen in this match. At first it looks like weapons are banned as Storm is eliminated by Daniels after a chair shot behind the ref's back, but later the ref tries to stop Skipper using the chair on Harris until he just gives in and watches. So I suppose weapons are just frowned upon then? Skipper then gets a Catatonic from Harris onto the chair, kicks out of the pin attempt but just gets counted down anyway to loose the match. Whatever.

Rating 2.5 Stars


TNA Championship - Ladder
Jeff Jarrett Vs Jeff Hardy

The opening video package might as well flash KEVIN NASH HEEL TURN up on the screen in huge letters all the way through. He tells Jeff he's got his back, then does an evil laugh. Well, his best go at an evil laugh at least. Back in the Impact Zone we're treated to the worst song ever written AKA Jeff Hardy's entrance theme. TNA has some awful music, both nothing as dismal, off-key and turgid as this track. This being one of the first low points of Hardy's career, he is of course dripping with glo-paint.

There's a nice spot early on with Jarrett caught inside an upside-down ladder, but he can't sell very well at all and just about hops back up after all of Hardy's offence. The match continues as you'd expect, meanwhile Tenay tells us Skipper got a concussion at the end of the last match and is being rushed to the hospital, then hypes it as exemplary of how great TNA is. West then postulates that when he kicked out of the last pin he was actually convulsing. Seriously – go fuck yourselves. You both should be ashamed for trying to spin a dangerous accident into something good for TNA.

The crowd is certifiably insane at this point – who on earth starts a “Let's Go Jarrett!” chant? And what must be wrong with you to JOIN IN? Tenay then actually name checks WrestleMania X after skirting around it all night in relation to Scott Hall. Did anyone actually buy this concept that Scott Hall is some kind of wise veteran of the ladder match? I know he won the first televised one in North America, but anyone with a brain understands that it was all HBK's work making it good. The camera cants some more as Jarrett gets close to the belt before Hardy makes the save. Hardy hasn't learnt the art of pacing his big spots yet, so he jumps up the turn-buckle and straight down with the Swanton without a moments pause to build it up, making his big finisher look like a transition move. He goes for the belt now, but here plods Scott Hall, the master of the ladder himself, to attack Hardy before being escorted away by security. That lasts almost a second until he gets a steel chair and promises to sit and watch at ring-side which inexplicably he is allowed to do.

Jarrett is covered in green paint at this point as Hardy sets up an incredibly contrived see-saw spot. It makes no sense but looks great, however Jarrett no-sells it completely and is right back on the attack. Hall attacks Hardy again on the outside, but Jeff sort of ignores him and gets back in the ring. Soon they're back on the outside where Hardy fights off both men and brings out the “Super Ladder”! I have to admit, I loved the close up of the DANGER sticker on the top of the ladder. That's the one good thing about sourcing your ladders from Home Depot – warning signs are cool. For some reason they go up this ladder while on the outside then come crashing down on Scott Hall. They abandon the big ladder and they're back where they were with the ladders in the ring. It's like that whole sequence never happened.

Jarrett messes up selling a power-bomb and Tenay weakly tries to cover it up by saying how smart and strong he is not to let go of the ladder. Hall attacks Hardy AGAIN, only to get a Twist of Fate that he can't sell at all and ends up just stumbling around the ring before falling down like The Great Khali. Another Swanton out of nothing puts him down for good. Jarrett attacks again, sends Hardy down but then just poses on the ladder rather than win. Then Kevin Nash finally shows up and again Jarrett just stands there when he could have won three times over. The security from before must be on their coffee break because Nash has music and everything, but he just walks right into the ring with two guitars unopposed. Hall springs back up and greets him, not teasing anything other than Nash being on their side. Nash hands him a guitar without even thinking about it and Tenay and West are SHOCKED! All three now hit Hardy with a guitar and Jarrett wins while Kevin Nash's theme is still going.

Nash gets a microphone and starts talking about toilets. Well, AJ Styles hates this (who can blame him?) and makes his way down to attack all three of them. The numbers prove too much, but then the 3Live Kru join in to even it up. Finally, RANDY SAVAGE, of all people, turns up! This ending is a hot mess as it is, but now we're going off the air after less than 30 seconds of Savage. What a croc! Seriously, if I was on drugs/if I was Jeff Hardy, I'd just assume I'd hallucinated that part given how random and brief it was.

Rating: 1 Star


TNA Victory Road 2004 Final Score: 1.5 Stars

What an awful show for your first PPV. How they expect to gain any new fans with this mess of a wrestling card is beyond me. I love Randy Savage, so his return could have been a plus, but they cut him off after just 30 seconds! The main-event failed utterly and the rest of the card was bad, boring and filled to the brim with nonsense. Styles Vs Williams was the only good thing about this show, at a stretch you could say the entire X-Division. However one decent aspect is not enough to recommend it. One to avoid!